Friday, March 21, 2014

What I know, today...

I seem to have lost my filter today.

I don't want your conditional presence.

I don't want to pretend the elephant is not in the middle of the room.

I don't want to change who I am to fit your needs.

I don't want to care about the judgement I feel you doling out.

I don't want a friendship that stops at some line in the sand.

I don't want expectations that you're not willing to tell me about outright.

I don't want to reveal my vulnerability and have you poke it.

I don't want to worry at all, ever, about any of this superficial shit.

So, for those of you whom I love but found yourself completely baffled today wondering what the fuck just happened and why the response you were expecting was so different, there's your reason. No punches were pulled today. Some almost got thrown.

I'm not ashamed to say I have days like this.

Tomorrow? It's me on my feet and on my bike under the sunny sky and on the trails. There's no room for pretense there.

And the day after that? I'll be back in love with you and we'll be okay. My edges will be softened and I promise to not make you bleed.

But for now, maintain a perimeter.

For both our sakes.

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