Monday, April 11, 2016

Love letter to Ft. Bragg

Hi love. I get to see you today. I've been trying to stay busy, that I wouldn't spend all of my time daydreaming about our upcoming time together. The anticipation has been taking me on quite the ride. Today I let the butterflies take flight in my belly and I'm piecing together things to bring with's mostly whimsy. I bet you didn't know that a suitcase full of whimsy practically floats itself to the trunk of the car! On fairy feet. On gossamer wings.

You've been so much to me, evolving over the years from my first teenaged romantic getaway...when I thought gas station roses and dancing to Unchained Melody under your stars was the height of romance. (Wait, that still works for me. Let's have some of that this weekend, please). You were rowdy family reunions and days of watching my babies get to know your tastes and textures, your wildness and insulated safety. You were all magical forest camping and fires oceanside. You were glittering glass beaches full of dazzling wizardry and hikes where the towering ferns themselves made me feel my humanity. You were quenching and nourishing with your forests spilling over cliffs into an oftentimes stormy powerful sea...simultaneously grounding and lofty euphoria without a clear beginning or end. You were my honeymoon, my labor day, my were disappointments and redemptions. You presented me with gifts from the depths of the sea, craft beers, whales and caves and even a coffin shaped like a big fish.

You mesmerized me...mesmerize me. You have embraced every love that I've brought with me, quenching and nourishing them just as diligently as you did me...young and old alike. I take you with me everywhere and each time we are together, I leave a piece of me behind.

I'm on my way...and we have magic to make.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Random Tuesday Thoughts...

I watched a movie last night, a funny movie that took me through joy into disgust and fear, tromping through envy and laughter and not just a little inspired to be more...more...well, more.

The main character was silly and fun but also steady in life. She feared that she was boring. I paused the movie there. I realized that I was holding my breath. On the exhale, I whispered "me too" and I got a little teary.

I'm sort of a homebody. I love this space that I've crafted to be my nest, cocoon, big hug at the end of the day away. I long for more time to cuddle my dogs, do yoga with my cat and domesticate my chicks more so that they might do some amazingly awesome things like my previous chickens pecking on the sliding door to come in and lay their eggs quite noisily in abandoned Easter baskets just inside. I like to clean my house. I like to do my yard work. I like to talk to my trees that are still in their early years and vulnerable yet. My favorite place to read lately is curled up in my hanging basket chairs and I'm constantly on the hunt for a mosquito net to hang over my outdoor clawfoot tub. My bed is like a cloud and I really love cooking lately. I've discovered Salt n Pepa on Pandora and I get my groove on all over this little castle of mine. I've been listening to Jordan Petersen's Maps of Meaning lecture series and re-learning French. I'm fiercely attuned to rhythms these days...of mood, of season, of lunar phase, of thought. I'm deep in studying history as it pertains to my fascinating family tree, reading voraciously and taking classes on skywatching.

I have to laugh.



Sunday, January 10, 2016

2016, I own you...

So, I lit my incense, gathered my favorite pen and colored pencils and laid out a fuzzy blanket. Ginger beer in hand, I sat down and spread out my last few year's declarations...with this year's blank worksheet in front of me. Coming out of "inhabit unihibitedly" for 2015, it seemed obvious that this year would be something along the lines of DO, BE, YES!

But...but. It wasn't working. I played with accept and allow and flow and ease. I fel in love with enthusiasm...but it didn't click in my soul. I meditated. I free wrote. I journaled all the prompts AGAIN. I made up words. I had a fire and burned the previous years' declarations, releasing the past so the future had room. I waved a feather through the incense and breathed deeply.


In frustration, I threw my hands up and declared FUCK IT!

...and I knew. In that moment, I knew.

2016 is the year of fuck it.

I feel free.

(I've had to explain that, in my world, it's a deeply positive declaration that rolls up do, be, accept, allow, flow, ease and all the words that remove all the obstacles. It's a defiant yes when all the odds are stacked to the contrary. It's an embrace and a kiss on the lips when previously there would have been a decorous or polite distance. It's the biggest YES when before there would have been reasons, excuses or noncommittal maybes. It's frosted eye shadow after 40 and white shoes after Labor Day...high hemlines, cowboy boots and whiskey. It's making everything the big deal that it truly is...EVERYTHING! It's not acting one's age but acting one's heart and making memories with those who stick around after the embrace and the kiss on the lips. It's freedom of spirit. Fuck it! Enthusiastically!!) See the Pinterest board here.

As this year is in it's 10th day...I've been opening my heart in the most profoundly "fuck it" manner that feels like I have sprouted wings. So I'm making some. ;) What an adventure. See this developing Pinterest board here.