Wednesday, March 12, 2014


I'm so ready for something.

I wish I knew what it was. It feels important.

I'm so committed to living from the center of a wide open heart.

I don't care if I seem cheesy or silly...if I don't fit into the norms or if I'm too far into your personal space. I don't care about much of anything other than soaking it ALL in. ALL OF IT. ALL THE TIME. I don't care if you're mean and I'm not afraid of ridicule or rejection. If I'm living my life my way, there is no wrong way to do it.

I'm open to suggestion. Overt. Subtle. Whatever works. I'll take a mint. I'll take a hint. I'll move on and I'll fuck up and I'll say I'm sorry with words and with my eyes and with every atom of my being. I'll appreciate you and I'll forget your birthday. But I will love you. And I will love you something fierce.

I lost my pretense somewhere along the way. I hope whoever finds it tosses it aside. It's heavy...heavier than any human trying to connect with another could possibly handle.

I'm ready for something.

I think I know how I got here. It wasn't easy.

I was so committed to making everyone else happy...and that's a fool's errand.

I tried to mitigate and minimize and find the silver lining each and every time. It was all pretend, and everyone knew it but me. I tried to pretend it into reality. I cared about everyone else's needs and wants and possible reactions or feelings about ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING. I spent so very much energy formulating preemptive strikes.

Then I gave up. I gave in to the fact that everyone gets to feel their own feelings on their own time...make their own mistakes when mistakes were called for. I let go of ownership and was repaid with appreciation...which was opposite of what my common sense told me would happen.

Relationships are mended. Mending. Evolving. There is kindness where animosity was the only norm for many years. There is acceptance. Radical acceptance. There is a dance...a slow dance where partners twirl away and only return when the steps are choreographed to be so.

I love to dance.

I'm so ready for something.

Maybe it's dancing.


  1. FOR FUCK SAKE! i cant read this without a box of aloe vera puffs!!
    Dancing is the new black, lets get after that shit!

  2. sigh... honestly, everything you are saying matches what my heart is feeling. i l y. sfm xoxoxo