Monday, April 28, 2014

Love letter to me

I am participating in 40 days of Love Letter writing. Today's prompt is to write a love letter to yourself. Here goes...

Dear Tara,

I hope you take a moment in your favorite reality to read this. Brew some hibiscus tea. Put on fuzzy socks. Turn on some Sinead Lohan. Burn some incense and turn on the twinkle lights. You're pretty cool, you know.

You've been through a lot lately. Big changes. Adjustments of enormous proportions. It was kind of nice to see you finally lose your shit over the past few weeks. It's even nicer to see you balanced and twirling again. Hopeful. Optimistic.

You're kind of in a pickle these days with work and home and all those changes and adjustments. I heard a quote today that made me think of your situation. "It isn't easy but it IS simple." I see you working your way back to simple and I have to say that after all of these years knowing you, simple really really works for you. I'm rooting for you to get there, to simple again.

You are pretty, intelligent, fun and funny. You're a loyal friend and so very aware of your baggage. You're considerate and you have pretty good morals. Your baggage gets in your own way sometimes and at times you are curt or overly abrupt as a result...but you're extremely reliable for knowing when you're doing it and calling it what it is. When you're ready to be a bit softer, there are people waiting to get closer to you. In your own time, love. In your own time.

You worked very hard for the career you have, and it's inspiring to see how you took your natural gifts and found a way to have someone hand over money for it. Stop thinking you're tricking them, what you do has great value. I called them gifts because that is exactly what they give so much and it comes from a deep well of specialness that is there because of who you are. Trust it. Trust it more. Trust it always.

There isn't much room in a love letter to tell you things that you need to change...but love isn't all about what is right and perfect. Sometimes love is about saying that tough thing that needs to be said. So here goes. I know you've been a little lonely lately. I know you cry. I know you want. I also know that you're a little scared...for good reason. But the tough truth is that you will continue to be lonely until you decide to stop being scared. People will lie, people will be insensitive, people will be selfish. But you're people too, and you do those things also. You want to be loved and brought in do they. I told you earlier that there are people waiting to get close to you and it's perfectly fine to do it in your own time...but I see you suffering. I have to ask: what will it take for your want to be stronger than your fear? Can you start small? Can you start now? You can handle ANYTHING. Take some chances. I've got your back. Delve into your reasons, I'll catch you.

On that note, with that one area as an exception, you are resourceful, imaginative, creative and adventurous beyond belief.

Go get em, Tiger.

PS. Spend more time in fuzzy socks.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Sunday's Beauty

~a better hair day...and plans for an adventurous one coming up real soon!

~hot water, fresh ginger & local honey. Amazeballs.

~turning the alarm off...sleeping in tomorrow is on the agenda!

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Saturday's Beauty

~rain. rain is so romantic.

~laughter. in the movie theater, LOUD.

~a good hair day.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Friday's Beauty

~A Friday that felt like a Saturday. A lazy Saturday.

~Money. Getting it, giving it, saving it, spending it...buying local honey with my money!

~Getting to cradle a little developing human with only a layer of momma between her kicks and my hand.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Wednesday sucked, so Thursday gets SIX beauty~full things!

~Blueberry pomegranate vinaigrette. Seriously taste buds say it is so!

~Having a shirt in my work wardrobe that lives up to it's name "the disco shirt" and all the great smiles, compliments and conversation it evokes!

~The complete change in my attitude about exercise over the past couple of months. I now have moves that are my favorites!

~My babygirl napping in my bed.

~My babyboy doing something that he's always wanted to but was slightly out of his grasp...doing it on his own, in his own way and ROCKING it.

~70s lite rock. Elton will always have my heart. Always and forever.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Tuesday's Beauty

~Morning routine morphing with the seasons, now including watering the in hand and furbabies at my flip-flop ensconced feet. No more slippers.

~Doing the kind of giving work that comes from the heart and helps, bit by bit.

~Running (NEVER thought I'd EVER say that). Marking my time and anticipating the day when that number changes.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Monday's Beauty

~This damn cat that I didn't bank on...didn't plan on...wasn't sure I had physical or heart space for...the same cat who HUGS MY HEAD WITH IT'S WHOLE BODY while I sleep. Oh, the cuteness is just killing me. I woke up all warm and fuzzy. BEST way to start a Monday!

~Working with my fitness partner, lunching with my best girl and my momma bringing me a lifesaving care package at work.

~THE CARROTS SPROUTED! This gardening business is full of daily surprises and fun Fun FUN!!!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Sunday's Beauty

~Waking slowly. Taking time then taking THE WHOLE DAY just to be still and quiet and to refuel.

~House, MD. Addicted.

~Finding that the radishes have sprouted! And the kale! C'mon carrots!!!

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Saturday's Beauty

~Coffee. Strong. Hazelnut. Mmmmmm...

~Taking the day as it came, in a magical place where magical things happen if you let them.

~7.5 miles on my bike, some uphill...some I had to walk...but all a joy. Across the Golden Gate Bridge and then a ferry ride back on choppy seas so close to Alcatraz.

One more just for the hell of it...

~Coming home to clean sheets ready to be put on the bed, a whole body gratifying soreness and the long forgotten excitement of having to drop film off to have it developed...the delayed gratification and feeling of prolonging a great weekend...more magic.

Friday's Beauty

~A lovely workday. Busy, productive, helpful.

~A misunderstanding that worked out just fine.

~A road trip to the most magical city I know. Car, feet, trolley, taxi...hills and architecture...people and laughter...sushi and saki that lasted til midnight...calling it a day in the cutest hotel room ever.

Thursday's Beauty

~Boundaries. Sometimes you have to admit the monster under the bed has questionable intentions and spray that Monster-be-gone. Heavily and with purpose!

~Taking time for me....and my absence being noted. Remembering later that the gym IS a place to take time for me and vowing to go Go GO there even if I'm afraid the physical exertion might be that thing that releases the emotional pressure valve. I can cry and release WHILE running and squatting and burpee-ing!

~Titanic. Love that movie. Emotions, released.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Wednesday and Beauty~full Connections

Three beauty~full things about my day today...a day off of work and obligation. A day of freedom.

~Rising before the sun, cooking for my babygirl before she headed off to her JOB...her great big JOB. Doing the mom thing that feels so nourishing to me as well as to her. Handing her a vitamin too...feeling important, knowledgeable and needed.

~Hiking with my babyboy's love. A mountain top, flowers, cows, jokes, sweat, conversation, waterfalls and open sky. A shaded picnic of beef jerky, watermelon and dark chocolate covered goji berries. I missed her as soon as she left. I bragged about it for aeons to my babyboy later and reveled in his happiness that we did this thing together.

~Wine, complaining and great conversation with my favorite witch. Safe space. Acceptance. Appreciation. Lovely.