Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Love & Compassion: Cheaper than Botox

♥My inbox contained this message from The Universe: See everyone, Tara, as a brand new challenge to fall in love. Sneaky of me, huh? Kiss, kiss - The Universe

♥I chose to not confront a lovely who is struggling and could do without my needs heaped on her in addition to all the trials she is going through...and found that compassion makes me feel lovely and beauty~full.

♥Then my daughter brought me this that I had hand written for her when she was going through an especially tough time:

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." ~Margery Williams, from The Velveteen Rabbit

and I don't think there is any question that the beauty in today was based on a common theme.

I'm glad to be reminded.

I'm gladder to be real.

Monday, June 28, 2010

In my world...

Everyone would know that there is an exception to the inside lane is the fast lane, outside lane is the slow lane rule. When a sign says "~insert town name~ next 6 exits", the people passing through would stay in the inside lane and go the speed limit (or just a touch more) so that at each of those 6 exits, people needing to leave the highway can and the people merging in can too! I've actually seen a sign that says "through traffic use inside lane" and it made my heart smile.

Why? Cause merging is some serious business, my friend...and it just feels kind to make room. Driving is all about kind, right? Well, it should be. :)

Sunday's beauty~full things were all about the Zzzs...

♥sleeping in.

♥cat napping.

♥falling asleep in the hammock and waking surprised by the dark and awed by the night sky.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

#1 & Capable Beauty~full

♥home-made raw flax crackers made in the dehydrator...birthday list item #1 accomplished! Also home-made raw yummy cashew "cheese" and tzaziki sauce from Cafe Gratitude's cookbook (Cafe Gratitude was on LAST year's bday list and it was MAGICAL ~see pics below~).






♥taking on a huge project, 600 square feet of laminate flooring to install at mom's...taking it on with gusto and rockin that saw!

♥and lastly, capable in the area that counts most...capable of clearing out the house, whipping up a smoothie, putting my feet up, renting a chick flick and completely vegging out in my pajamas trapped under a few furry beasts.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Today, I...

woke up early, and sloooowwwwly.

visited with the hens.

watered the garden.

cuddled with our rental dog.

got a shock.

called law enforcement.

cried for my babygirl.

cried with my babygirl.

was blown away {in a good way} by her daddy.

let go of the reins.

asked for what I needed and let it go.

assembled and hung a ceiling fan.

napped in a recliner.

made three squares for my momma.

was petty with a person who deserved it...and still kicked myself for it.

drank home-made mead.

took a dusk adventure walk by the river, camera in hand.

let love surround me.

let my love surround.

was kind in the face of foolishness.

spoke my truth.

watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy!

wrote a couple of lists.




...off to bed soon...

Three beauty~full things:

♥plum eyeliner.

♥yummy fresh spring rolls in rice paper wrappers.

♥lovelies, far flung and diverse and wonder~full and amazing.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Ick, reversed.

Yesterday, I...

¿had a collision while driving, my mustang vs. bike rider on meth (HE hit ME and begged me to not call the cops, between threats of throwing his bike at me and calling ME a crazy bitch).

¿lost two hens to a chicken hawk and have one remaining, very traumatized, hen left.

¿was bitten by a little dog, hard...on the arm for trying to stop her fight with the other little dog.

BUT! I also...

♥got to see my lovely...my mermaid soul sister...catch up & smile.

♥was bestowed generous gifts that I then paid forward.

♥sat and created for hours...know what all my peeps are getting for Christmas this year! ;)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Monday Funday

♥A nap in the sun after a busy morning running, running & running some more.

♥Being capable, replumbing the irrigation lines all the way from the water main and having the water guy say "grown men can't do what you just did...and in a dress!"

♥A package full of smiles and love and dreams and possibility and wishes and...and...and...things there aren't words for!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day



Seven years ago the scene in my kitchen was love and laughter sprinkled with excitement and adventure. I had just turned 32, your grandchildren were 10 and 8 1/2 years old. They were still young enough that cooking was mysterious...amazed that simple ingredients turned into mouth-watering deliciousness...and sending packages in the post was even more mysterious. Ashleigh said to me "you just put that little sticker on it and the mailman knows where to drive it to?" They tested those cookies we baked...the interesting combinations...walnut peanut butter chip and white chocolate cinnamon. Unusual and perfect for you. They labeled the bags in their precise grade-school penmanship and packaged them with care, insisting that we include some of the cherries from the trip to the Farmer's Market that morning. I sent it overnight mail and when you got them, we laughed about how the cookies came in crumbs...delicious crumbs!

We were planning a camping trip to the redwoods in a couple of months' time, emails flying back and forth and anticipation building daily. I had no clue that it was to be my last Father's Day with you. I had no clue that in a month's time you would be gone and the Redwoods would still be waiting. I had no clue that the memories we were making that day in the kitchen over your cookies would become so bittersweet.

Our history is fragmented but each piece of the puzzle was necessary for us to put together such a lovely picture in the end. I spent the first three years of my life adoring you, the next 15 pining for you followed by 11 resenting and rejecting you...coming full circle to the last three adoring you once again.

I'm so glad you never gave up, despite my sometimes harsh words and judgmental attitude. You taught me that patience and tenacity, you know. That and so much more. You came into your art late in life, paving the way for me to do the same. You used your words generously, intelligently while humbly allowing room for mistake...laughing at yourself before anyone else could. I follow your lead daily. You walked through this life at your own rhythm, being human and allowing that the guidelines for how to live a "right" life were simply that, guidelines. You were brave with your scars, making them visible as much as possible...knowing that the effort it took was what would save your life every day. You allowed me to come into your life as a mostly formed adult and when you fell in love who I was, I fell in love with me too. I hope it was the same for you. You strove to be simple in action but complex in mind. I see you in your grandchildren and know that I am teaching them your gifts. They were many, those gifts...and I miss you every day. I see you sometimes...in a sunrise or how the wind sounds...when the moths hatch each year or when I see a Golden Retriever...especially one that knows how to smile. Mostly I feel you. I know when you're laughing at me and it makes me comfortable in my own skin. I know when you're rolling your eyes and pushing me to lighten up. I usually do, don't I? There are a million things that let me know you're here and today I'll be dancing in my living room to Eric Burdon and the Animals...being lighthearted and grateful for those last three years...paying homage to you in the only way the feels right. By moving, being playful and letting the past guide the moment.

I miss you, Dad.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Friday's Four Beauty-full Things...

♥never knowing what I might run across in momma's cabinets...seriously, I get to drink my coffee out of a mug with a chick playing a cello on it...EVERY MORNING.

chick n cello

♥puppy nose...temporary visitor.

puppy nose

♥trying out the tattoo I've been wanting...bday list item #13...one week from today it will be real ink instead of sharpie!


♥Da girlz...


Thursday, June 17, 2010

Thursday's Three...Beauty~FULL!

♥Making plans...hope and heart~full wishes...possibility and dropping the wall that isn't serving any positive purpose anymore...if it ever was.

♥My youngest...my baby...behind the wheel...giddy and getting his confidence.

♥A friend with a belly full of butterflies...let 'em fly, girl!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

39 by 40

For nine years I have done my "Birthday List" in secret, tucked away in a journal, written in rainbow ink or on a candy wrapper...put together in pieces as inspiration strikes or adventure calls. This year, these things are calling for company. This year I want to laugh and dance my way through the list with my lovelies. This year I want to make memories and share experiences...to veer off on spontaneous adventures not listed below and revel in the beauty of it all...together!

My list 39 things to do by the time I turn 40, one year from today...

39. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. *
38. Do a Free Hugs Day *
37. Get my passport *
36. Learn to play poker *
35. Mad Hatter Tea Party *
34. Read a classic *
33. Try Bikram Yoga *
32. Learn to play one song on the guitar *
31. Visit Seattle, tourist style *
30. Finish thesis *
29. Do the graduate walk complete with hood *
28. Build a pergola on the back patio and plant wisteria
27. Start Lifecoach training
26. Read up on Autism
25. Go on a photo adventure
24. Drive a lotus
23. Paint a lotus
22. Go to a concert
21. Go to an Irish wedding and/or wake...in Ireland
20. Visit the lavender farm and buy plants
19. Do Bidwell Park's guided owl hike
18. Photo session (dreaming of Boho Girl)
17. Have family portraits done
16. Go on a helicopter ride
15. Buy a superhero necklace...Joy
14. Keep up with writing to Shaleen
13. Get that snail tattoo
12. Spend a day alone at the beach
11. Take a road trip with my babygirl
10. Spend a day in bed watching old movies
9. Visit glass beach with my lovely mermaid soul sister (tj i ♥ you)
8. Camp at Fall River
7. Take a road trip to a small town and find its amazing~ness
6. Bubble bath in a clawfoot tub
5. Keep the garden going year round
4. Spend a night in the highest treehouse in Cave Junction
3. Visit the Dread Goddess
2. Live it up on Halloween
1. Learn to use that dehydrator

Any takers?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Laughing, jumping, go-go-go

♥Being so tired that everything is silly.

♥A waterfall fed swimming hole on the edge of a cliff...nature's majesty that no resort can duplicate.

♥Hitting the "to do" list steadily; that feeling of accomplishment and productivity.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Money, Honey & Funny

♥Payday...money is ALWAYS nice when you're getting it.

♥The little visitor doggie who got away and lurked just out of reach to see if we are really worthy of her presence. She's baaaaack!

♥Grocery shopping past my bedtime...and the little toddler up past his too who kept me awake making faces at me each time we passed and then giggling in a super contagious way when I'd make faces back.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Thursday's Three...

♥Graduation week...all the excitement, expectation, enthusiasm, tears, hugs, families, friends, laughter, joy, pride...I could go on and on...it's a festival of feelings!!!

♥Connections. Making them. Keeping them going. New. Old. Near. Far. Prompted ones and serendipitous ones...all of 'em. Saying things and smiling about it. Things said back that make the smile even bigger!

♥Sun shining, wind blowing, sky so blue and temperature so...temperate!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

All I have time for is Beauty~full~ness

♥PBS...it's not just Sesame Street anymore!

♥These guidelines: 1. Use your thoughts wisely. Understand their power. 2. To create peace, you have to be peaceful. The only way to stop disarmament is to start from within yourself. 3. Imagine all the angels and non-physical beings who are working on the other side to protect and uplift all of us. Know that they can only do their work in an atmosphere of compassion, not condemnation. 4. Avoid watching the news and reading the newspapers. Headlines are designed to keep you afraid and disempowered so that you will buy more papers or watch more TV. 5. Know that when you are tuned into your heart, your Inner Wisdom, and God, then your energy lightens up and your vibration literally changes. You become a beacon of light and peace. You become an uplifter and a peacemaker.

The words above are by my newest girl crush, Christiane Northrup, M.D., PhD.

♥Heading into a long shower in my quiet, peaceful home...and later today my little family comes back together and we get to find a new rhythm with these new responsibilities for momma/grammy.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Three beauty~full things about Monday already!

♥An after sunrise mental health loop around the outskirts of town with the top down and a serendipitous hug from an old friend doing the same thing on his bike...inspiring me to do tomorrow's on babygirl's new beach cruiser!

♥An offer for moonshine in a festival atmosphere...I probably can't drink it and I surely can't go...but the offer ROCKS...and makes me giddy with remembering.

♥A reminder to keep the permission slips handy and write them at will.

Sunday, June 6, 2010


I am so much more selfish than I ever thought I could admit. I'm crying today...grieving tears from missing that outing with a lovely, coffee with a witch, my garden, netflix on demand, hours with nothing to do and a convertible to do it in, long showers followed by naps, hikes before the sun gets too hot, spontaneous trips to swimming holes, my fridge full of yummy fresh groceries, my big cloud of a bed.

Me, the traveller, the gypsy hearted hippie...missing my things...and doing the tears of grief thing while my momma, one mile down the road, needs 24 hour care for the next month and cries real tears of physical pain.

So. Selfish.

And so lucky to have a mom.

And so lucky to have a life worth missing.

And still crying.


Thursday, June 3, 2010

At Seventeen...

17 years ago, this lovely person came into my life...


...and nothing has been the same since, THANK GOD.

My life has been filled with motorcycle helmets and pig tails, mascara and mud fights, adventure and mayhem, softball and cheer leading, cuddles and climbing...full on balls to the wall whirlwind fun, tons of her trouble buddies and hours of lovely heart-wrenching worrying that comes with all of the above.

She's taught me patience, acceptance and how to rise above circumstances that simply are what they are. She embodies confidence, fun, spontaneity and take-me-as-I-am.

She's amazing...and I'm so lucky that she chose me to be her momma.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

finding the effing beauty...

♥being in an awkward space, knowing it will pass if I only breathe through it...and the lovely soul who called it beauty that I allowed myself to do just that.

♥the last hurrah sub sandwich supper before nothing by mouth after midnight...and the new hip that will have the honor of carrying my momma through our Ireland adventure next year.

♥old pictures...remembering who we were, where we came from, how it was...and how odd it is to look at that girl and remember her so clearly even though she didn't know me at all...but was fighting her way to get to.