Friday, January 5, 2018

2018, I'm Coming for you...

On New Year's Eve, I sat down to reflect on the past year and set my intentions for the one spread eagle in front of me. All I could think was "Fuck." Thinking about this past year totally exhausts me. Trying to enter the next one with intention feels like a Herculean task that I wish someone else would lay out and tell me where to go, what to do and how to be. This was the moment that the thought entered my mind to not do any of this. None at all. Was that an option? Just the thought made me so giddy that I knew I was on to something. I sat with the idea for a bit...the days of 2018 ticking away without any intentions, resolutions or plans of any sort. There were breathtaking sunrises and heartbreaking sunsets, a full moon that made magic in the clouds and all of it made me want to dance...so I did. In between my living room karaoke to 90's female country and dancing to playlists made by my fellow Murderinos, I sat down and wrote one list.

Love.
Feel.
Go.

I made six SEVEN travel plans with loves over the next 11 months spanning 9 states and two countries. I sat with a lady who I didn't realize I loved and let down my social worker boundaries that have somehow spilled over into my personal life and cried for her physical pain, her worry over her dog and the change in her life at this moment in time. I made a serious 20 day commitment with a friend who I didn't know needed it until I took a chance and asked her if it was okay that I tag along. I stopped telling a love how to love. I spoke some love truths of my own.

I also cleaned up my physical and digital life. I ripped up and burned every pdf, workbook, worksheet and reminder that I had at home and at work that had anything to do with mindfulness, spiritual growth, motivation and self-help. I deleted every file on my phone and my computer. I unjoined, unfollowed and unsubscribed all the woo-woo in my email and every social media platform I am present on. I let these things go with gratitude for where they had taken me and knowledge that my path with each was complete.

I am complete.

I am entering 2018 with balls and grit and guts and a heart broken wide open from every moment that came before...raw and ready for the next ecstasy and agony.

I am ready to breathe you in.

Brace yourself.

xoxo.