Sunday, September 27, 2009

Round-about, squeals and cleaning...

♥ Hair in a ponytail, big black sunglasses on, top down, the new Dave Matthews on the iPod and giggling as I took the round-about three times...with a slight squeal to the tires on the third trip.

♥ A big party across the street for our 7 year old neighbor Maka Hiepo (Translated: beloved firstborn) complete with wafts of curry drifting on a breeze and bounce house squeals making us smile.

♥ Each of us in our rooms, organizing and cleaning...shouting funny finds and anecdotes between songs as we worked.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Three days worth of Beauty...

♥ Two whirlwind days of reminiscing, catching up and revisiting people and places that went into shaping who I am today...

♥ Super affordable, super cute jewlery...a whole mall of it!

♥ The thunderstorm I specifically ordered from this great big state!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Three Beauty-full Things...

♥ Texan humidity. My skin and hair LOVE it!

♥ Spicy boiled crawfish. O. M. G. In my heaven crawfish comes with hush puppies and okra!

♥ Seeing my lovely after almost a year...hopping off of a plane and right smack dab into her life...her LOVELY life!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Today's Three...

♥ My boss, recognizing that today's chaos is near impossible for me to walk away from and that even if I do walk, I would carry the unfinished business of the day with me...her eleventh hour telephone call when she's rushing herself just to say "leave it here, let it go, have a great vacation, YOU ARE APPRECIATED." sigh.

♥ My kids' enthusiastic reactions to my new cut and color. I passed the most important test.

♥ Overstuffed suitcases standing at attention next to the front pink & lime green polka dotted luggage!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Confusing Tuesday with Thursday...

because tomorrow is my FRIDAY! And I'm off for a BIG adventure...

Three beauty-FULL things...

♥ A busy, full day at work that made 10 hours fly right on by...but those 10 hours were path was crossed with the bravest of brave souls who inspired me with her love of life, her acknowledgment of her personal truth and her decision to only allow it to create a richer appreciation for this human experience and all the wonder it can hold.

♥ A pamper appointment at the end of the work day...and another connection...this time where MY eyes were the ones opened and I discovered a treasure right under my nose. Not only because she can make me beauty-full but because she is, through and through, beauty-FULL!

♥ Packing for the great big adventure. Overpacking and giggling about it. :)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

So much beauty!

I can't pick just three beauty-full things about this I will categorize.

♥ Time. There just seemed to be so much time. Time as a family, time alone, time with each of my children independently, time with their rowdy amazing posse, time to sleep, time to work on projects and time to do some road tripping, hiking and movies. I can't believe this was a weekend just like all the felt like three rolled into one!

♥ Projects. The den was transformed from the catch-all space to a fabulous shared space for creativity, socializing, quiet and exercise. Oh, and storage...the closet is full but organized completely...things are findable! The herb garden is coming along beautifully. The path in the back yard is looking more and more whimsical each time I work on it. We created a family budget. Babygirl's room looks feminine and unique and oh-so-her after I painted it last weekend and she has been decorating now is clearly her space. Lastly, I imposed a timeline on my writing so that I can mark the whole Dewey Decimal Number ordeal off of this year's birthday list.

♥ Treasures, both gained and given. We acquired an old trunk from the "free" pile at a yard sale three doors down that turned out to be FULL of antique camera equipment! We marked the kids' old beds with "free" signs and sighed hugely when they disappeared from the front yard. We each filled big black trash bags with items to donate to the local community resource center...letting go of so many material items that clutter and crowd...journaling as we went and taking pictures to treasure the memories instead of the items representing them. Knowing our donations will find their way into the lives of those who will find them to be treasures themselves. And of course, the time and the projects listed above were some of the best treasures of the weekend. Remembering to treasure each other...and to send that love out into the world. :)

It was truly an amazing weekend...

Friday, September 11, 2009

Three Beauty-full things...

♥ Staying in jammies til NOON!

♥ My babygirl doing the right thing not for the purpose of doing the right thing but just doing it in the course of being her...and then crying when I told her what she did and how it affected me. Sigh.

♥ Recognizing when ripples sent out into the Universe make small changes in a positive direction just how they should.

Oops, it's Friday...Four. Four beauty-full things...

♥ ROCKIN' with my lovely...

Lessons Learned

I revisited my old blog. This excerpt from November 1, 2008 jumped off of the page at me...

"C painted my toenails in room full of people completely matter-of-factly...the singularly most intimate experience of my life at that time. C was a mess...but he taught me that with enough tequila, you can ignore any mess. C was guitar lessons in the park, sushi and saki with chopsticks in my hair. He was late nite excursions to the observatory and spur-of-the-moment trips to Sonic, 45 minutes away, for cherry limeade. He was my travelling partner-in-crime and 9 pm naps with 1 am trips to the bar afterward. He was lazy Sundays in bed watching season after season of Desperate Housewives. He was dancing and dancing and dancing some more. He was hangover food and gourmet meals. He was my prince who put me on a pedestal and made me feel like the only girl in the universe. But I wasn't. It took a year and finally legal intervention to get him away after I found that out. C left me with the "if onlys" and a firm fear of trusting too much. A year later, I'm sick of C's legacy and I've decided to abandon that firm fear and replace it with hope."

At the time I wrote that, I was one year contact and tear-free, over C.

I'm ruminating today about how sometimes it's truly necessary to revisit the lesson to remind yourself of how far you've come.



C and I recently attempted to rekindle our friendship after almost two years of little to no contact. That felt reasonable, two full years of healing and living and learning. His life appeared settled and his new girl seemed suited for him quite nicely. As we got to know each other again, it became pretty clear that he was unsettled and unhappy. It became even more clear that he was searching for something more...and we began to fall into old patterns. When I took the time to catch my breath and take a good hard look at things, I realized that it was time for us to stop, look & listen, to remember the old lessons together and avert disaster.

My idealistic imaginings of a loving conversation in pear shaped tones full of maturity and kindness and an eye on how to create a safe and loving friendship didn't quite pan out. Actually he became angry and chose to return to our previous state of no contact, all or nothing. I cried for days...not out of grief or sadness or longing. I cried tears of betrayal again...but this time it was me who betrayed me. I had closed my left eye with purpose and intent to ignore what I knew, what I had lived and what I was seeing once again. I had chosen to hope and I had betrayed my own truth, my own beliefs and my own responsibility to myself to live my life with eyes wide open.

I am so glad to have given myself permission to revisit that old lesson. I am so much more than the girl who cried over him two years ago, the girl who wrote about him one year ago and even the girl who attempted to be his friend this time around. I'm the girl who knows herself, her own values and limits. I'm the girl who knows when to smile kindly and use soft words but own only what is mine. I'm the girl who doesn't have to run anymore. I'm the girl who can stand still and be who and where I am and let the storm around me run its own course for its own reasons without FEMA having to come in to fix the damage.

I'm the girl who loves this life with all of its amazing challenges and adventures. I'm the girl who can't wait to see what lesson comes next...and knows with absolute certainty that it will be wonder-full.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Three beauty-full things...

♥ ANOTHER day off.

♥ at the casino, emails between old friends, understanding between close friends, a visit from a lovely friend and my kids home after the long weekend away.

♥ Poland and Japan on the dinner table...multiculturalism at its best!


All things new contain a certain element of anxiety...wondering how things will go or what obstacles might arise...fearing failure or appearing inept...lack of certainty that what is around the next bend is really what you're prepared for.

Of course, there are ways to can talk to people who have 'been there, done that' and learn from their can research and plan and plan some can opt out and change your mind or you can call for reinforcements to hold your hand.

The reality is that new is only new once. After once, you may not be an expert but the anxiety level is certainly lower and depending on how the experience went...your confidence level will be different as well.

To me the exciting thing is that life throws new opportunities in our paths all the time. Sometimes when we're ready and most of the time when we feel least prepared for them. Other times we go out of our way to seek those new experiences out with determination.

Today I sought out this forum. I sought out connection and communication and community. I'm anxious and scared and nervous...and hope-full and joy-full and so ready to take a chance, take a leap and hope for a tribe of lovelies that will seek connection as well.

Lovelies, are you out there?