Rescue, Realize & Rockin

♥car trouble resulting in helpful strangers, quiet time alone, seeing the world's best mechanic again, being rescued by my kids...one at a time...and making things nice for my momma.

♥making a big decision, on the heels of a recent big decision...both of which define who I am and more importantly where I'm heading. The compass is pointing my way now and I'd like to welcome my pride and integrity back. I missed you guys.

♥songs that rock my friggin socks...from Avril Lavigne to Adele and especially songs recently heard on deck. SafetySuit where have you been all my life?

No Doubt.

♥going to bed as the sun was coming up and sleeping til noon...don't even recall the last time in my life I did that!

♥nothing but time...all of it being my own to spend or squander as I saw fit. Momentarily missing something that coulda woulda shoulda happened but didn't cause it really honestly shouldnta. So when the momentarily missing passed, the clouds parted and the sun shone and the angels sang...or something very very similar. I spent and I squandered and this weekend was amazing.

♥stormy weather...hail and clouds and rainbows and thunder and lightning and rain, rain, rain. I adore a good storm and this one was a GREAT one. Snuggled down and enjoyed it with Friends.

Whoa~What The Hell

♥A good work day that ended early...jump starting the weekend state of mind.

♥The nice kind of quiet...where you know everyone who's not there is exactly where they need to be at that moment.

♥My babygirl is almost 18. She is morphing into her own boss and is confident relying on her own conscience. This requires me to morph into not being as necessary as before. Today I heard a song by a totally uncool female singer but the lyrics made me think of my babygirl and smile. I played it for her and I couldn't gauge her reaction or opinion. That was hours ago. As I sit here now, she's in the middle of her pre-Friday night beautification process and I'm hearing that totally uncool female singer belting out those familiar lyrics...and my babygirl singing along. Sometimes I do some things right...sometimes the connection just happens, just works, just IS. Such a small thing but I'm smiling ear to ear.

This is my life...and it's a good one.

♥Waking up on time, taking my time and planning an entire outfit around my new necklace. Simple and smile provoking.

♥My boy, all legal to drive independently now. My baby boy. Very excited and...no lie...a little nervous.

♥A quiet house, napping and watering the garden and pb&j for dinner...interrupted occasionally by bursts of teenaged energy, stories and laughter.

I've been quiet in this space for a while. There have been court dates and travel, concerts and kisses, meeting new friends and cutting loose of toxic ones, tears and fears and laughter and forgiveness and accusations and understanding, days spent in bed without regret or apology and days upon days of putting one foot in front of the other without intention of anything other than getting one foot further along the path. It's been too much. Too much to write about...sometimes too much to bear. Certainly too much to try to put into words...but the loveliest bit is that apart from and underneath it all, the beauty remains and is once again resurfacing, three little things at a time. It's dependable like that, beauty. ~sigh~

One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three Mississippi...

There have been tears and confusion and shouts and angry red moments at home, in the car, at work, in the kitchen, in the parking lot and in front of a judge. Finding beauty has been elusive...but it's there...

♥A phone call from the one person who instinctively knows EXACTLY what to say to make the fears simply dissipate. "It's in the day to day stuff that you're not thinking about that will make her miss and appreciate you." Sigh. "She's angry now but that will settle. You're afraid now and that will settle too." Sigh.

♥My momma who is willing to do scandalous clandestine ops when needed, no questions asked.

♥When male peacocks run across the road at dusk, they look like sea serpents crossing a black river. If the dusk sky is lavender, it looks like sea serpents in a fairy tale if fairy tales had sea serpents.

Note to Self

Deep breathe. In to the count of five, out to the count of ten.

Cry. Hard. Long. Sob and wail. Let it out.

Sleep.

Drink many steaming hot mugs of Chamomile tea...maybe with some fresh mint if possible.

Exercise. Sweat and move.

Wait.

Let the edges soften and fade out of focus.

Trust.

Once the anxiety passes, there will be space. Clear space where all of the answers seem like they were just waiting behind a hazy curtain for you to discover that they where there all along.

When the answers are clear, follow your instincts. Dismiss the fear of being unpopular or ineffective, too early or too late, imperfect or hypocritical.

Dismiss fear.

Let your instincts lead.

And remember...

Don't fight the fights that you can win, fight the fights that NEED FIGHTING.

Now, Tara...go get 'em, girl...and don't stop for anything other than balance, respect and fundamental goodness. It's out there. Really. Trust.

Do one thing every day that thrills you...

Lately, I have...

♥ adopted a surprise new "puppy"...hmmm...all 85 lbs of "puppy" :)

♥ learned a tough truth and lived thru it.

♥ owned my own shit...and my power too.

♥ celebrated 74 years of a love's life...and gotten a double bird behind the back for my efforts. Goodheartedly.

♥ made up some stories.

♥ shopped at the mall...and I hate Hate HATE to shop...but I loved this trip.

♥ gotten a BIG ole bonus for makin things happen.

♥ dug out some new flower beds and weeded the others...getting ready!

♥ gone topless...in the car. ;)

♥ bought wrinkle cream...why not?

♥ almost got caught with my hand in the cookie jar...and questioned my need for cookies.

♥ learned new eye makeup tricks...from Cher.

♥ copied my lovely's cajun lasagna...and rocked it!

♥ took a shower with the hairiest beast ever.

♥ made a new drink: 1 shot each of creme de menthe, godiva liqueur & vanilla vodka, shaken and served in a chocolate swirled martini glass. yummmmm...

♥ bought all 10 seasons of Friends. Yes, I buy my friends.

♥ ate fish & chips...with malt vinegar.

♥ fell in love with a wee little house that has a pair of palm trees and sits on the river bank. sigh.

♥ developed a girl crush on Megg.

♥ started boy child on the right path.

♥ drank an entire bottle of Gewurztraminer, a glass at a time with my mermaid soul sister...laughing and shrieking and telling secrets and truths.

♥ accepted certain inalienable truths...and life got wayyy easier.

♥ thought about you and smiled. Yes, David...you. ;)

♥ got enough sleep, ate well and took time to do nothing at all.