Thursday, May 6, 2010

Over and over again, Amen.

It's May. That freaks me out a little bit. Already? But wait, what exactly does that mean???

When the year changed, 2010 promised to be so much. I made a pretty big declaration about leaving the negativity and overwhelming~ness of 2009 behind; of defining 2010 with Moxie and Carpe Diem. Then I found my self mired in self-doubt and fear...searching for a lifeline that seemed to be just out of my grasp or understanding. I spent a lot of time gritting my teeth and taking baby steps trusting only my intuition that kept whispering "baby steps, just keep going." I did the only thing I could do...I listened and did the best I could.

Silly me. How else do you embody Moxie and Carpe Diem other than having faith, continuing to imagine, dream, question, test the limits of your comfort zone and keep moving forward? That is actually THE RECIPE for Moxie and Carpe Diem!

I made a decision that time markers mean a lot to me, but not the traditional ones. I've been making my birthday lists for years now, the number of years I've lived matched by the number of things I'd like to do, become, see, have, accomplish, experience in the upcoming year; it's been my alternate to New Year's resolutions. Technically, this makes my New Year begin on the day I was born...which is exactly when my very first year ever started. It only makes sense then that my month begin on my birth day, the 16th.

Last month on the 16th I themed the upcoming 30 days. It's funny how claiming something, making it yours, making it personal and connecting to it can induce clarity and fortify you mentally for success. I had written a list during the dark days of self-doubt and fear of the areas in my life that didn't feel like they were working well. On April 16th I pulled out that list and decided that out of the things I had identified, health was the big one. Over the course of the past several years I had put on quite a bit of weight, developed back problems and was not sleeping well the majority of the time, which all tie together and make the other worse. I was not moving as much as I had because I was tired and sometimes it downright hurt to move. Yoga was out of the question after a past amazing love affair with downward facing dog. Exercise hurt and I was tired all the time. My clothes didn't fit which made me want to come home, get into pajamas and park my rear on the couch. I had tried diets, lifestyle changes and pills. I tried Tai Chi, a chiropractor and a couple of doctors. I met with a nutritionist, had accupuncture, massage and physical therapy. I believe that our health is in our own hands but my hands were grasping thin air and I was feeling hopeless. In the past I had made a decision, basically wrote it in blood and had the mind set that I would stick to it NO MATTER WHAT. That would last about 3 days...a week if it was a good week. Then the self-recrimination would set in and Ben & Jerry were always ready to lend the comfort of Cherry Garcia. I did it differently this time. What I've been trying for years didn't work...but the years had still gone by and here I sat, hurting and tired, in my pajamas. On April 16th I decided to look at my lifestyle and my habits and decide what was working against me so that by May 16th I would have an idea of a direction to go. I committed to looking, not doing. I read some books, quickly discarding the ones that didn't resonate with me and writing notes in margins of the ones that did. I talked to people who seemed to have what I was looking for. I bought some different groceries and tried new recipes. I opened my mind and trusted that the truth of how to live my life healthier would trickle in. By two days in I knew that I needed to move more. I'm very active in my yard and in my home in the course of maintaining or creating or repairing and occasionally go on walks or hikes. I don't shy away from activity but I don't make it a part of my daily routine. I decided to do just a little every day. I do my physical therapy recommended exercises every morning and even if it's only 15 minutes, I get on my elliptical machine in the evenings. I walk on the days I can get away during the workday for a lunch or a break. I look forward to these things and they are making my nights more comfortable therefore more sleep~full. The new foods and recipes have evolved into eating mostly plant based foods which even the kids love. With almost no effort, I have moved past looking into doing and can now say that my health is an area of my life that is working for me very well and only holds the promise of continuing to get better and better. I love this. I love that all I had to do was look and the answers were just waiting to be found. I love that I could claim a date and make it mine and somehow it worked for me in an almost magical way that only has to make sense to me.

May 16th is fast approaching and instead of putting into action the things I had spent a month thinking about, I can now choose another area of my life to look at and let the answers fall into place as they will...or won't. Life is such an adventure...a daily adventure where we're given the power to rewrite endings or choose new beginnings any time we wish.

And Three Beauty~full Things:

♥The kill-deer mating dance that happens right in the middle of my street and the traffic that's been stopping or going around it.

♥Valentine's Day daffodil bulbs that we planted together thinking we'd enjoy them next season but are in full glorious bloom right now.

♥A day trip with a luminous lovely to a magical city with the top down, one brown shoulder, a belly full of sunshine, great deals and shoplifting by mistake followed by a concert that stole a piece of my heart and soul that I never ever want back!

Okay, a fourth because it has be be shared...

♥Aiden's new's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen and has me laughing constantly! He actually looks like something out of a horror movie...poor thing!

Before and after:

Aiden before

Aiden after

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