Monday, April 23, 2012

My Most Beauty~FULL thing

75 days ago my world crashed. The entire thing. Where I live. Where I work. How I parent. Where I parent from. What I drive. Who I trust. Where I sleep. Where my money comes from. Who I am, basically.

I believed all that...for most of the past 75 days.

I've spent countless hours curled up, in tears, trembling, jumping at noises both real and imaginary, driving, driving, driving and driving some more, biting my fingernails then my cuticles when there were no more nails to bite, packing, pacing...jumbled, confused, scared and lost.

I've slept on floors, in cars, in hotels, on this couch and that one...apologizing for the terrible energy I knew I was bringing into their space...and I spent entire afternoons talking in circles trying futilely to make sense of my world, oblivious to the troubles of anyone I was talking to.

I've put off this post, the one I've known about for many many days. It hurt to have to try so hard, to put in so much effort to come up with my most beautiful thing.

75 days ago I was broken. Broken in so many ways that I couldn't breathe enough to get my bearings. All I could do was keep breathing.

My most beauty~FULL thing is that today I know that there is no such thing as broken.

75 days ago, I was broken open. Wide open....and great things happen from that place.

(I'm participating in Writing Our Way Home Fiona Robyn's celebration of her book The Most Beautiful Thing, Please feel free to join us! http://www.writingourwayhome.com/2012/04/my-most-beautiful-thing-blogsplash.html )

20 comments:

  1. Oh crap!!! I had no idea! I assumed you 'should' feel broken...but girlfriend...when I saw you...you had your shit together. You kept your cool...chin up...smiled...laughed....discussed events logically...it all made complete sense. You were that girl....THAT girl...that sat confidently on the washing machine, swinging her legs back and forth like there wasn't a care in the world. I wanted to hug you...to cry with you..to be scared for you...but your strength and confidence made that offer seem silly. I'm impressed my friend..but I always knew you were THAT girl THAT strong. But, if you ever want to break down and be vulnerable, I have a safe place for you to fall. I'm glad wonderful new, great things are happening for you my love. Hugs til I see you.

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    1. I can't wait to see you this weekend. Hugs. Laughs. Adventure. These things I promise you. ;)

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  2. Oh, I love what you said here, that you there is no such thing as broken.
    "I was broken open. Wide open....and great things happen from that place"

    I don't know you, but this made me cry. It only goes to show that there is someone up there always looking after us and in every bad thing that happens to us, there's always something beautiful that comes out of it.

    This is such a beautiful thing!

    Thanks for sharing this! :-)

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    1. this moment, this opportunity, this connection and our shared tears are proof of great things. Thank YOU so much for all of that.

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  3. You could have just picked something, some object--a spring flower, an heirloom, souvenir--and posted that and no one would have known. But you didn't. THAT is beautiful, that you care enough to be honest. Perhaps you were broke open but today you opened up. I am sure that many readers will remember a time they felt broken and will relate. I know I do.

    Thanks for sharing. Great things WILL happen from this place. Today. Tomorrow. Just keep going.

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    1. you know that moment...the one where you can't live pretending anymore...that moment when authenticity becomes more important than anything else? i am so privileged to be sharing that moment in my life with so many lovely people. i appreciate you reaching out to me today.

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  4. God Bless. The beautiful thing is the realization that wide open or not, you are full of faith, and the belief in yourself to see it through :)

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    1. Bless you too...and your words are a blessing to me today!

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  5. This was so beautiful to read, it was well written and so full of feeling.
    I don't know you, don't know what happened, but my heart goes out to you. You are strong, and you are brave!

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    1. Thank you! ...and I think you DO know me...it's so lovely to hear from a stranger and am reminded of how connected we all are...your heart couldn't go out to me if we weren't like souls. ;)

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  6. This IS a beautiful thing to know, and I'm so glad you do! Blessings to you as you journey forward.

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    1. your blessings are well received and reciprocated...thank you for your kind words!!!

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  7. Very moving and I too have learned that there is no such thing as broken. Thanks so much for sharing!

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    1. :) well then my lovely soul sister, we are connected by a lesson. Thank YOU for sharing.

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  8. :) Such a moving piece, TJ. To be broken vs. to break open. I love how you wove those two concepts and emotions together so well. And I am still learning how to distinguish the two in my life. Thank you so much for this reminder. I hope you don't mind, but I am going to mention this in my blog: http://alotus-poetry.livejournal.com

    Blessings,
    Kathy (A~Lotus)

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  9. Up on www.writingourwayhome.com today...

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  10. It must have taken a great effort to write and post this. So moving, and so well said. Thank you for sharing.

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  11. Oh wow, this is a theme that's been popping up in my life - this breaking open... thank you for sharing. It's all about looking at things differently.

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