75 days ago my world crashed. The entire thing. Where I live. Where I work. How I parent. Where I parent from. What I drive. Who I trust. Where I sleep. Where my money comes from. Who I am, basically.
I believed all that...for most of the past 75 days.
I've spent countless hours curled up, in tears, trembling, jumping at noises both real and imaginary, driving, driving, driving and driving some more, biting my fingernails then my cuticles when there were no more nails to bite, packing, pacing...jumbled, confused, scared and lost.
I've slept on floors, in cars, in hotels, on this couch and that one...apologizing for the terrible energy I knew I was bringing into their space...and I spent entire afternoons talking in circles trying futilely to make sense of my world, oblivious to the troubles of anyone I was talking to.
I've put off this post, the one I've known about for many many days. It hurt to have to try so hard, to put in so much effort to come up with my most beautiful thing.
75 days ago I was broken. Broken in so many ways that I couldn't breathe enough to get my bearings. All I could do was keep breathing.
My most beauty~FULL thing is that today I know that there is no such thing as broken.
75 days ago, I was broken open. Wide open....and great things happen from that place.
(I'm participating in Writing Our Way Home Fiona Robyn's celebration of her book The Most Beautiful Thing, Please feel free to join us! http://www.writingourwayhome.com/2012/04/my-most-beautiful-thing-blogsplash.html )