Thank~full for...

♥ an early Thanksgiving with comfortable cuddly comedy and camaraderie...family to me only by the bond of love...and what a great way to be family.

♥ no cooking, no cleaning...me and my boy at the casino buffet where there were all the traditional foods plus crab legs...SCORE!

♥ a weekend of cuddling in my bed with my babygirl for a marathon of Vampire Diaries behind a closed door...and on the other side of that door, a house full of rambunctiousness.

There ARE beauty~full things every day...

it just took me almost 4 months to remember to see them. That's approximately 120 days of beauty~less~ness.

I locked this personal, sacred space of mine down as a fear reaction. Four months ago I lost my way. I knew it. I didn't like it. But fixing it meant trying to negotiate my way along an unfamiliar, overgrown path on a moonless night. With snakes. The thing that I forgot is: I am not afraid of snakes. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm not afraid of moonless nights. I forgot that I'm not afraid, period.

I'm brave. Today I remembered that. It took time and it took patient angels. The result is this. Today I open my heart and I invite you in. I open my personal, sacred space and ask only this: Stay, curl up with me and my words and lets weave something amazing together in this bit of space and time. Have positive intentions. If you feel so inclined, let me know you stopped by. Challenge me if you disagree. Gently move on if this space and your energy are not a match. Get to know me. Smile a secret smile if you already do. Trust me. Keep smiling if that already applies. Smile some more, just for the hell of it.

This is me being brave, and I thank you for reading. For being a patient angel. For smiling.

One beauty~full thing for each of the past four months:

♥ A moment so staggering that it necessitated the spinning of a cocoon...but a cocoon means that some other season sees a butterfly. Wings, baby. Wings.

♥ A move, a moving out and moving on....my baby girl off to college and on to the next stage of her amazing adventure.

♥ A long holiday weekend off work and surrounded by love...followed by a long holiday from worry in the most important area of my life...and all the positive changes that came along with that.

♥ A single cold and wet day perfect for breaking out the tall boots and a long scarf. An umbrella. The heater. Down comforters. One day was enough...for now.

Three Beauty~Full Freedoms

♥a home...with the freedom to be here or be away from here for as much or as little as I want but still have special space that is all mine.

♥a profession...with the freedom to maintain it or change it or even leave it completely to do something entirely different but no matter what, do what brings me joy.

♥a tribe of lovelies...with the freedom to be me, magnificent or messy as I might be at any given moment and still be loved.

Difficulties are not obstacles on the spiritual path, they ARE the spiritual path! ~Ezra Bayda

I'm strong. I'm capable. I can roll with the punches. I can hold my own and I am not afraid of necessary confrontation or even conflict. If it's in the name of justice, I can dig my teeth in and surprise even me sometimes.

What I have no defense against is a pitch in the dirt. I don't even know where to start or why to even start. I function on the belief that all anyone has to do is maintain their integrity and in the long run truth always prevails.

In my world the true superheroes are the people who lead by example. Regular, normal, everyday people who maintain who they are despite the actions of others or any environment they find themselves in.

I'm trying...but the plain truth is that in the absence of defense against a pitch in the dirt, the masses will listen to anyone who steps up to the podium.

I think I need to swing...and step up.

Sowing the seeds of love...

It's so quiet in here. This space where I can come and express myself any way that I see fit is so very precious to me and for a couple of weeks now I have sat here with fingers poised above the keys for silent and still moments upon moments before giving up and signing out...silent still.

Tonight I decided to talk about being silent if I couldn't come up with anything else to say. So there goes.

But I do have something to say. Something pretty big. Something radical and brazen.

I like myself. Yeah, I said it. I actually LOVE me.

Part of my silence coincided with one of my lovelies putting in plain terms her concerns about my character. I gave myself permission to sit with her words for some time to turn them over, check them out, try them on and then decide what to do with them. All of that is done and with a sigh, smile and shout from the bottom of my soul, I'd like to say that I LIKE ME!

Oh, I'm so very far from perfect and so very flawed and floundering. I have not figured out all the quirks and twists and turns of this life and how relationships of any/all kinds become successes. I haven't discovered the secret of how to behave with positive intention 100% of the time. I'm lucky if I hit 50% with consistency but on occasion I've hit 75%. I have given myself permission to be mistaken, to be flat out wrong and to fall flat on my face if the lesson at hand calls for it. I have hurt people and I have hurt myself and I surely hurt myself when I hurt other people. I do, however, strive to always do my best.

What I'm not is intentionally careless with other people's hearts. I'm not purposefully reckless and I'm not malicious. I don't hold grudges and I don't treat people how they have earned being treated, I treat people with heartfelt spontaneous love and care. I don't read into other people's behavior looking for ulterior motives or some far off future issue that might arise. I don't assume that behavior that is "outside the box" is wrong...I allow that it might be right for the situation at hand and only the behaviorer knows for sure if they are doing the best they can at the moment.

I smile at people a lot, even when they are displeased with me. I smile because I care. I smile because they care. I smile because even a rough time is time together with opportunity to learn and grow. I smile because even when people change or go away or even stick around but the relationship ends, those moments of connection still existed and I know the level of pure heart love I poured into those moments as often as I possibly could...and I ask no more of myself than that.

I had a birthday during my silence here. It was amazing, full of new friends and old friends, soul friends and family disguised as friends. There was travel and adventure and awakening and accomplishment. There was dungeon sushi and Louisiana style crawfish boil. There were hikes and streetcars and outdoor markets and even a pride festival. There was a sauna with vodka. There was a brewery sampler and a burger that I'm still dreaming about. But each and every one of those things was made enormously more special because of the love that was woven through and around each one.

Love conquers all...even my own self-doubt. That's what I really wanted to say tonight...that I love me and I hope if you're here in my blog...here in my life, you've found a way to love me too...imperfections and all. In return for your love, I promise with all of my heart that I will continue to strive to always do my best...for me, for you, by me and by you.

Over & out.

Thirtieth Day of Beauty...

I'm a day late...but things have been busy around these parts!

♥wild turkeys on the side of the road...by a bus stop.

♥a day with my boy...all day and so many smiles.

♥doing only what I wanted for an entire day...not a single "must"
or "need" just all want, want, want!

...and I did it. A full thirty days of beauty...culminating on the day I pass from my 30's into my 40's. The sun set tonight on my first year in my 40's...and there are hints that this is when things get really really interesting!

Day Twenty Nine of Beauty

♥Two work days rolled into one making the time fly by...it's always lovely when the day ends and the thought is "it's time to go home ALREADY???"

♥Quiet lunch...good simple food and good simple silence.

♥Momma's bday...pizza, presents and PRESENCE!!!