WWTD?

It’s only days before my year flips and a new year begins for me. This is traditionally a time of deep introspection and reflection. I take the time to visit the previous year’s birthday list…cross off my accomplishments and take inventory of what is left and how my desires have changed. The things that still resonate with me get moved to the next year’s list and new things are added to tailor the upcoming year to who I’ve become and who I want to become.

This year was hard. A few very important items were marked off within days or weeks of creation of the list. Those were amazing and breathtaking. A few more were marked off at random intervals…but not with any kind of intention at all. This past year blindsided me in so many ways. I spent days in courtrooms instead of on hiking trails or beaches or other government offices where I would have rather been. I got a court decree instead of a degree. I was granted custody instead of a passport. I had to be creative about how to keep a very vital relationship on life support instead of breathing life into my art and dreams. I fought and gritted my teeth and made it through one day at a time totally exhausted instead of hitting the gym each day for that lovely physical exhaustion. I went to a funeral and thought of how careless it was to put an Irish wake on my list. I held my family in my heart and hands and lap and cried heartbroken tears mixed with I’ve missed you tears. Money came and brought with it guilt instead of freedom. I deserted my home and fled from my place in the world but not to explore distant lands…only to hide and regroup and try to make sense of so many things that had gone awry.

In light of this last year, the undone items on the list seem so juvenile...and the things that were accomplished that weren't on the list shine with startlingly beautiful significance.

My heart is heavy as I write of this past year's challenges...but I am reminded that every one of them was necessary. I might not have accomplished even a quarter of the desires of my heart as I sat here a year ago and wrote them down, but the things we did/saw/experienced/became were not for naught. We are better. We are whole and here and every day is a reminder that all of our days are precious. We grew and it's a terrible disservice to forget the ludicrous moments of belly laughter, shared secrets, heart-shattering landscapes and views, moments of absolute connectedness and certainty, tears and smiles and hands held that came with those challenges.

This year, I’m moving very few items to the new birthday year’s list. Things have changed so drastically and I’m proud to change with them. The new list reflects so clearly where I am in life.
Basic. Easy. Connected. Sure.

For my 41st year:

Get passport.
Hug people.
Write love letters.
Learn to play one song on the guitar.
Take bubble baths.
Eat lots of green things.
Salute the sun every day.
Drive less, ride more.
Watch live music at every opportunity.
Find someone to speak French with.
Ride in a helicopter.
Go minimal.

WWTD? Get back to basics, that's what. That's where the real magic is...where the living of life has room to fill in between the lines...with color and sound and fireworks.

Days Twenty Six & Seven of Beauty...and magic!

♥Discovering North Beach...the absolute quaintest little lodging...bare minimum but done so very well...touches of lovely here there and everywhere.

♥A walkable city...Wharf to Union Square with Little Italy and Chinatown on the way.

♥Sushi...in a confused atmosphere but deliciousness deliciousness and more deliciousness.

♥Birthday item #39...all because my Sunshine made it so!


♥Getting lost looking for Mexican food leading us to a handsome stranger.

♥Golden Gate Park via Haight Ashbury...the sheer expansiveness of all that wonder~full~ness...so much left to see and explore and discover!

#31

I woke up almost on time...drove, flew and lightrailed it to the absolute center of Amazing. My lovely was on the ferry while I was on the train...and we met on a corner under towering old buildings topped with lions and arches and gargoyles. It was love at first sight in every direction. We found an Irish pub, Fado, and settled into a corner booth where we promptly lost ourselves in stories and laughter and Bloody Marys and Guinness and $12 shots of Jameson's and more laughter and more lovelies. Five and a half hours later, we left that place...and that place left me bursting with belonging and hope and happiness.

There was so much more after that pub...hiking the streets of Seattle, the market, the restaurant, the drinking. The ferry, the bar at the ferry station, the laughter that seemed to never take a break and didn't need to. The flirting and the silliness, the moments and jokes and absolute togetherness. The cabs and the clubs and the drinking and the dancing. The music and the awe of it all. The cuddling and the whispering, the silliness and the stopping. The pajamas and the slowness, the talking and the seeing. The pasta. The place. The belonging. The hope. The happiness. The unmistakable rightness of it all, even if just for that blink in time...before the reality outside could sneak back in.

Leaving was hard...I took a taxi, a ferry, a train, a plane and a car...all by myself...all filled up for the first time in a long time. Filled up with love and wonder and absolute all encompassing certainty that life is amazing. As each vehicle took me further away, my heart ached first more and more then less and less. The ache was because I was sure I was losing something by leaving...and it ebbed as I realized that I carry that something within me all the time. Leaving wouldn't be any kind of end...this something is everywhere, all the time.

I thought Seattle had been calling me for years to visit because it is fascinating and lovely and wondrous to see. Each year as I moved "visit Seattle" to the next year's to do list, I thought it was because I hadn't tried hard enough or made it a priority enough. What I know now is that Seattle wasn't the destination...it was just an amazing beautiful place for me to find amazing beauty in a blink of time that only existed right then, right there with the lovelies who created magic together. We created magic...and just because it's over doesn't mean it doesn't continue to leave it's mark. I'm marked for life, thank god.

Thank you, Seattle. Thank you Kathy. Thank you Lukas and Rachel and Tony. Thank you Zach.

I'm still in awe...

#1 & Capable Beauty~full

♥home-made raw flax crackers made in the dehydrator...birthday list item #1 accomplished! Also home-made raw yummy cashew "cheese" and tzaziki sauce from Cafe Gratitude's cookbook (Cafe Gratitude was on LAST year's bday list and it was MAGICAL ~see pics below~).











♥taking on a huge project, 600 square feet of laminate flooring to install at mom's...taking it on with gusto and rockin that saw!

♥and lastly, capable in the area that counts most...capable of clearing out the house, whipping up a smoothie, putting my feet up, renting a chick flick and completely vegging out in my pajamas trapped under a few furry beasts.

39 by 40

For nine years I have done my "Birthday List" in secret, tucked away in a journal, written in rainbow ink or on a candy wrapper...put together in pieces as inspiration strikes or adventure calls. This year, these things are calling for company. This year I want to laugh and dance my way through the list with my lovelies. This year I want to make memories and share experiences...to veer off on spontaneous adventures not listed below and revel in the beauty of it all...together!

My list 39 things to do by the time I turn 40, one year from today...

39. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge. *
38. Do a Free Hugs Day *
37. Get my passport *
36. Learn to play poker *
35. Mad Hatter Tea Party *
34. Read a classic *
33. Try Bikram Yoga *
32. Learn to play one song on the guitar *
31. Visit Seattle, tourist style *
30. Finish thesis *
29. Do the graduate walk complete with hood *
28. Build a pergola on the back patio and plant wisteria
27. Start Lifecoach training
26. Read up on Autism
25. Go on a photo adventure
24. Drive a lotus
23. Paint a lotus
22. Go to a concert
21. Go to an Irish wedding and/or wake...in Ireland
20. Visit the lavender farm and buy plants
19. Do Bidwell Park's guided owl hike
18. Photo session (dreaming of Boho Girl)
17. Have family portraits done
16. Go on a helicopter ride
15. Buy a superhero necklace...Joy
14. Keep up with writing to Shaleen
13. Get that snail tattoo
12. Spend a day alone at the beach
11. Take a road trip with my babygirl
10. Spend a day in bed watching old movies
9. Visit glass beach with my lovely mermaid soul sister (tj i ♥ you)
8. Camp at Fall River
7. Take a road trip to a small town and find its amazing~ness
6. Bubble bath in a clawfoot tub
5. Keep the garden going year round
4. Spend a night in the highest treehouse in Cave Junction
3. Visit the Dread Goddess
2. Live it up on Halloween
1. Learn to use that dehydrator

Any takers?