Sunday's Beauty

~a better hair day...and plans for an adventurous one coming up real soon!

~hot water, fresh ginger & local honey. Amazeballs.

~turning the alarm off...sleeping in tomorrow is on the agenda!

Saturday's Beauty

~rain. rain is so romantic.

~laughter. in the movie theater, LOUD.

~a good hair day.

Friday's Beauty

~A Friday that felt like a Saturday. A lazy Saturday.

~Money. Getting it, giving it, saving it, spending it...buying local honey with my money!

~Getting to cradle a little developing human with only a layer of momma between her kicks and my hand.

Tuesday's Beauty

~Morning routine morphing with the seasons, now including watering the garden...coffee in hand and furbabies at my flip-flop ensconced feet. No more slippers.

~Doing the kind of giving work that comes from the heart and helps, bit by bit.

~Running (NEVER thought I'd EVER say that). Marking my time and anticipating the day when that number changes.

Monday's Beauty

~This damn cat that I didn't bank on...didn't plan on...wasn't sure I had physical or heart space for...the same cat who HUGS MY HEAD WITH IT'S WHOLE BODY while I sleep. Oh, the cuteness is just killing me. I woke up all warm and fuzzy. BEST way to start a Monday!

~Working with my fitness partner, lunching with my best girl and my momma bringing me a lifesaving care package at work.

~THE CARROTS SPROUTED! This gardening business is full of daily surprises and fun Fun FUN!!!

Sunday's Beauty

~Waking slowly. Taking time then taking THE WHOLE DAY just to be still and quiet and to refuel.

~House, MD. Addicted.

~Finding that the radishes have sprouted! And the kale! C'mon carrots!!!

Saturday's Beauty

~Coffee. Strong. Hazelnut. Mmmmmm...

~Taking the day as it came, in a magical place where magical things happen if you let them.

~7.5 miles on my bike, some uphill...some I had to walk...but all a joy. Across the Golden Gate Bridge and then a ferry ride back on choppy seas so close to Alcatraz.

One more just for the hell of it...

~Coming home to clean sheets ready to be put on the bed, a whole body gratifying soreness and the long forgotten excitement of having to drop film off to have it developed...the delayed gratification and feeling of prolonging a great weekend...more magic.

Wednesday and Beauty~full Connections

Three beauty~full things about my day today...a day off of work and obligation. A day of freedom.

~Rising before the sun, cooking for my babygirl before she headed off to her JOB...her great big JOB. Doing the mom thing that feels so nourishing to me as well as to her. Handing her a vitamin too...feeling important, knowledgeable and needed.

~Hiking with my babyboy's love. A mountain top, flowers, cows, jokes, sweat, conversation, waterfalls and open sky. A shaded picnic of beef jerky, watermelon and dark chocolate covered goji berries. I missed her as soon as she left. I bragged about it for aeons to my babyboy later and reveled in his happiness that we did this thing together.

~Wine, complaining and great conversation with my favorite witch. Safe space. Acceptance. Appreciation. Lovely.

Welcoming Spring with Beauty & Bliss

Three beauty~full things about my day today:

~Getting glad in the same pants I got mad in. My babygirl is 20. She's in a transition place right now in her life, it's lovely. It's not lovely when she sleeps in until 11 when I know there are things that she should be doing...some things that she said she would do for me. Today, she snapped at me and we ended a phone conversation with abruptness on both of our parts...unusual for us. I fumed. I breathed. I took care of the items on that mental to-do list I thought she should be getting after that were, in actuality, mine to do. I did my own thing and had a great morning. There was still a lot on my mind. I admire that girl more than she could possibly imagine. This transition place that she's in? It's HERS. That mental to-do list? She is the only one who should be adding items. This is her time to figure out this next little bit of her identity and her life. Her abruptness reminded me that I'm trying to do too much. I'm trying to guide and influence more than I should. She doesn't need a boss or a life coach. She needs a mom and a friend. Message received. Lovingly. Wholeheartedly. We ended up spending time together that was priceless.

~Being a master of EVERYTHING that I touched today. I brought a dead electric lawnmower that was headed for the landfill back to life today...with maximum assistance from Google. There was splicing and bypassing and it all amazingly turned out perfect! I fixed a broken wheelbarrow. I did yardwork. I built a gopher-proof (I hope) garden box. I worked a little more on the garden fence. I rocked my Crossfit workout. I made Thai lettuce wraps that were refreshing and delicious. Last night I even installed a new, locking mailbox for my momma...complete with cutting and installing a new wooden platform. (I didn't, however, find who stole my favorite pen at work.)

~Time for me. After feeling so amazing in my relationship with my babygirl, so good about my day and the contentedness of a belly full of healthy food eaten in the company of my two favorite Geminii, here I sit. Writing. With a mug of sleepytime tea, a minty clay mask on my face and my feet soaking. Bliss.

"Life has its own hidden forces which you can only discover by living." ~Soren Kierkegaard

Three Beauty~Full Things

♥ Leftover Thai food for breakfast, right out of the takeout container.

♥ My old computer fixed...all that lovely past accessible again.

♥ One lone wish left on the plate~sized dandelion in my planter bed.

Day Done of Beauty: A Post in Pictures :)

I'm behind. Waaaaaayyyyy behind in sharing my beauty~full things..

So, here's a glimpse...

♥ The dogs. Aden. Awkward...adorable.

(see the heart shaped white patch on his head?)

Feebee. Furrocious...fun.

♥ The casa.

(my baby boy's first vehicle title!)

♥ Around these parts...

(this was the window at the 100+ year old hotel where I had Thanksgiving dinner for breakfast today!)

A Couple More Days of Beauty: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥!

Thursday: ♥ Got to be the cool Auntie...to help and be there in a way that 2600 miles kept me from accomplishing previously.

Friday: ♥ A short solo road trip...Eminem and TSwift getting me there in a great mood...then crawfish dinner and IKEA shopping before talking with a lovely until my lids wouldn't let me listen anymore.

Saturday: ♥ Shop til we dropped, literally...an old town block of amazing...after picking up my new beach cruiser from a crazy Craigslist ad...cheap!!!

Sunday: ♥The smile on my boy's face was Mother's Day gift enough. A true smile. ♥ A text from my babygirl with a memory that made me smile hugely too! ♥ Spending the entire day with my momma...relaxing. ♥ A peeping then a crack in the shell...a peek at a little beak...gonna be a duckling mother soon!!!

Monday: ♥ A smoothie made by someone other than me in a lovely little place close enough that I can ride my beach cruiser to.

Day Fourteen of Beauty: Simple.

♥Big fat splat-y raindrops.

♥The color turquoise.

♥Watermelon.

Day Thirteen~ish: Trouvé

So this isn't quite going as I had hoped. Commit to sharing three beauty~full things about every day for thirty days...be more aware of beauty, be more present in life and on this blog. Structure. Routine. Accountability.

Hrmph.

Not so much.

There have been forgotten days, day # 7 happened twice...I've rambled on without identifying what the beauty~full things were on one particular day and today I even forgot the password to gain access to this very space.

But.

One of my lovelies sighed heavily and said "I really meant to do the beauty~full things with you, but..."

And I replied "you've been too busy LIVING your beauty~full things to write about them!"

I think I fell a little bit in love with that. Thank you, my lovely...for leading, loving, living as an example and reminder and celebration of beauty.

Today's beauty:
♥Finding out my gaw-juss Aunt reads my blog.
♥Finding a pair of Free People wedge sandals in my size in my latest favorite color scheme AT A THRIFT STORE FOR $5!!! (psst...same shoes on ebay for $80!!!)
♥Finding out that my first love, my babygirl can't come visit. Beauty~full? What? Oh yes, heart~burstingly beauty~FULL!!! Because she is busy blazing her own trail and creating her beauty~full life.

Day Twelve of Beauty: Moving, Arriving and Yummy.

♥Waking, cleaning, organizing and planning...feels good to have movement in some direction.

♥That feeling at the airport when someone is arriving...love, anticipation, excitement...more planning!

♥Beaver nuggets. Yes, I said it.

Day Eleven of Beauty: Past and Presence

♥The moment you set eyes on a long-time friend after too much time apart...how patterns and behavior and memories surface almost immediately. Us walking behind her mother in the grocery store almost a perfect mimic of 20+ years ago.

♥Great outdoors not so far from home but an entire world apart. Good food, great company and conversation...and one-way pig-proof screens.

♥Marking a life list item off, in tandem.

Day Whatever: Old School.

My old high school sits there...it has a new purpose but the wide locker-lined halls are still visible through the glass doors at each end. You don't even have to get out of your car to see them, you can just pull through the bus drive. There is the cafeteria, where memories of thousands of lunches still linger...friends and laughter, drama, fights that no one could possibly remember much less remember what started them, a food fight or two, some of the best one-liners I've ever pulled off and even some frantic homework copying with minutes to spare. The auditorium where I can still smell the wood polish used on the floor, the musty aroma of the wardrobe room lined with thrift-store finds, Halloween left-overs and home-stitched frocks and the echo of our voices delivering lines. The office where Senior year found me working in attendance...mostly with integrity but occasionally the thrill of doing a favor for a friend. The English wing where some of the most nurturing souls I've ever met called home for hours while they fed imaginations and dreams. Student Council meetings were held there, and I sold donuts outside the doors of that wing almost every morning my last year there. There is the baseball field where we sat to watch the lanky boys do what they loved...and I remember thinking one friend's crush was sure to be famous for it some day...if only because with a name like his, how could he not? Ty Ganske. I wonder if I was right. The football field where the Friday Night Lights lit up and everyone took it as seriously as Sunday morning meeting. The drums. The players. The butt slaps and high-fives. The cheerleaders and dancers and twirlers. The band marching on the field and the color guard with their gossamer flags.

When I drive through that bus drive, those memories that have long been buried come rushing to the surface and make my heart ache a little bit. I remember the last week with all of the excitement of finally escaping the halls and walls and the work. The parties that were planned so elaborately and the time we knew we'd be spending on the beach or at each others' homes as we wrapped up our high school years together. I remember vividly one moment, sitting in the stands of the football field, practicing for graduation...we were hung-over, drinking Alka-Seltzer with our darkest sunglasses on...and time stopped for a second. It hit me that this was the end of something that I had no preparation to be without. We had grown up together, all of us...and we were parting. Soon. We would carry with us our memories and our intentions to stay in touch...some we would mean but some we would be incapable of following through on. This was the last time we would be together LIKE THIS. I was sitting in a crowd of people knowing that for many of us, this realization would hit and hit hard but I had never felt so alone or bereft as I did at that moment. Time started back up and minutes later we were laughing and planning the next night's adventure. That feeling faded and dissipated. I still had that day.

It's been over twenty years since that day. I drove through the bus drive recently and the feeling came rushing back. It's a breath-catching feeling like a punch in the gut...and I relived feeling alone and bereft all over again. I actually cried. I thought about what I would tell that younger version of me when time stopped that day...where I would tell her to place importance...who to cut loose and who to hang on to very tightly. Who would slip away and stay gone and who would drift away only to return when the rhythms of life revealed themselves to be the right timing. Whose time on earth would end too soon and who she would wish had taken their place.

The tears dried and like time resuming those twenty some years prior, it happened again...the feeling faded and dissipated. Those hurts were necessary. Those relationships that ended did so in tune to a rhythm that can't be predicted. Mistakes needed to be made and growth on our own timelines was absolutely necessary.

The sights and smells and memories and feelings from the past as I drove through that bus drive became a drum beat in my heart of a rhythm that is totally out of my control or prediction and the reminder came rushing back...just enjoy...today is what you have. Today. This day.

Day Eight: What I Want...That I Already Have

I vaguely remember Cinco de Mayo last year. I had just returned from a cruise...not just A cruise but AN AMAZING cruise. I literally partied like a rockstar...with actual rockstars. I came home smiling ear to ear, thinking that life still had spontaneity and fun and adventure...and that my impending 40th birthday didn't mean I had to become all grown up all the time.

Then it took over a week to catch up on sleep I lost on that non-stop party, the uncomfortable bed, the flights, the missed flights, another uncomfortable bed and a stilted drive home due to an extremely necessary but totally draining relationship implosion with a fellow traveler.

When I got my bearings, my 40th birthday was just over the next horizon. There is nothing vague about my memory of Dieciséis de Junio last year. I spent hours upon hours in the nurturing presence of a lovely soul...traveling again but this time more centered and balanced. I was surrounded by love, laughter, great food, drink, sauna, art, creativity and quirkiness in the US capital of Quirky.

It is almost a year later. When I came home from that trip, I journaled quite a bit. I knew I wanted more of something...some essence that I couldn't quite capture in lists of "what I want"...and there were many many attempts. That essence was simply more of what I had on those two trips combined.

Spontaneity.
Fun.
Adventure.
Love.
Laughter.
Great Food & Drink.
Creativity.
Quirkiness.

Sprinkle in some thunder storms, daily yoga, getting outdoors. Art...both creating and enjoying. Meditation and quiet. Beach. Squirrels.

It is almost three months since my world crashed. The entire thing. Where I live. Where I work. How I parent. Where I parent from. What I drive. Who I trust. Where I sleep. Where my money comes from. Who I am, basically.

Truly? Right now I have the time and the space and the exact environment that is listed in all of my above "wants."

Danielle LaPorte said it best: Here’s what happens when you find evidence of dreams come true in your current reality (even if it’s a stretch to do so)
: you take the neediness vibe out of your aspirations, and when you’re less desperate you think more clearly and act more calmly
: you muster up gratitude (and gratitude is a form of empowerment)
: you might realize that you’re further along than you’ve been giving yourself credit for (hello confidence!)

It's time to take the neediness vibe out and call on courage, gratitude and confidence.

What a relief...a permission slip to joy.

Day Seven of Beauty: Serendipity.

♥There is something lovely and healing and poetic about such a time of struggle and strain in my life becoming THE THING that connected me by heartstrings to others.

♥Meditating. Focusing. Then accomplishing TONS of administrative calls back to back...with every answer being EXACTLY what I had hoped to hear. Manifested.

♥Leopard toenails that make me smile each time they catch my eye...and my momma's match...so sometimes it's hers that catch my eye and make me smile.

Day Seven of Beauty: best Best BEST EVER!

♥Furminator. Best. Purchase. EVER! (Thank you EBay for having it super cheap...and for addressing it to the dog)

♥How I Met Your Mother. Best. TV show. EVER! (Thank you Netflix for 136 episodes live streaming)

♥Mucinex. Best. Breathing. EVER! (yeah, no thanks here...although it had great effects, it tasted horrible and made me crazy wonky...but, breathing! yay!)